请帮我将赵本山小品《买车》翻译出来,请附上中文

作者&投稿:经祁 (若有异议请与网页底部的电邮联系)
范 伟: 去年买拐,窝囊够戗,丢了工作跑了对象,我就不信这个劲,别人能让我吃亏,我就不能让别人上一当,我也卖拐。南来的北往的注意了噢!注意自己的腿噢!看看有没有毛病噢!没病走两步噢!走出病来我把拐卖给你噢!拐了!拐了!
高秀敏: 发家致富道道多,去年卖拐今年卖车~~~ 卖车嘞~~~ 卖车~~~
范 伟: 拐了~~~ 卖拐了~~~
高秀敏: 嗨,这不那伙夫么?
赵本山: 好了,这回咱这轮椅有销路了。
高秀敏: 人家腿都好啦!
赵本山: 好了那去年不给他忽悠坏了吗,今年你看我怎么把他说服到车上的。
高秀敏: 快回家吧!
赵本山: 不用~~~
范 伟: 站住!
赵本山: 朋友!
范 伟: 我是天天找,月月找,足足找了你一年呐!
赵本山: 别激动,我们做好事儿从来是不留名的。
范 伟: 我激动个屁我,你把我坑苦了知道不知道,啊?我老婆也跑了,工作也炒了,走,找个地方说理去!走!
高秀敏: 哎呀,那兄弟,那别了我们把钱给你,你把拐给我们我们回家吧~~~ 快~~~
赵本山: 你靠边~~~ 请问,一年来这拐你拄没拄?
范 伟: 我拄什么拄!我压根没病!
赵本山: 完了,我担心的事终于发生了!
高秀敏: 当时我说不让你卖拐,你不信么,这回看你咋整~~~
赵本山: 我说他完了!媳妇儿,就你这眼力你看看,一年来有什么明显变化?往上看~~~
高秀敏: 要说变化那脑袋比去年更大了,
赵本山: 对了!由于你一年没有坚持拄拐,导致你的病毒迅速的往上涨,你两条腿有两根大筋,好比是两条高速公路,病毒一每小时一百八十公里的速度迅速往上转移,你完了,无情的病魔正在吞噬着你的大脑健康细胞,一个崭新的植物人即将诞生!
范 伟: 忽悠,接着忽悠!忽悠!你是不是想让我再走两步?
赵本山: 去年走两步瘸没?
范 伟: 瘸了,
赵本山: 跺两脚麻没?
范 伟: 麻了,
赵本山: 因为什么?
范 伟: 你忽悠地,这回不用你忽悠了,我自己走两步,你不是爱看瘸么,我给你走两步,走两步,走两步,好不好?可是我现在好了,我能小跑了,我还能垫步,哎,我给你大跳~~~ 哎,我给你翻俩,好不好?
赵本山: 停!看见没,不但脑袋不好精神还有问题。朋友,能不能接受一下测试?
范 伟: 没问题!怎么测试?
赵本山: 你现在的脑袋是不大声说话都迷糊?
范 伟: 我清醒着呢!
赵本山: 呼吸怎么样?
范 伟: 没问题。
赵本山: 那你喊一声行吧?
范 伟: 好。这么的,我配合你,我完全配合你,我的目的就是要戳穿你!
赵本山: 好,深深的吸上一口气,
范 伟: 来~~~
赵本山: 有多少气往里吸多少气,嚎出来。喊!
范 伟: 啊——…… 啊——…… 啊——…… 啊…………——
赵本山: 别喘气儿,有能耐别喘气儿,……停!迷糊没?
范 伟: 没迷糊!
赵本山: 没迷糊,站住!

下载赵本山小品买车~

http://www.gougou.com/search?search=%E5%8D%96%E8%BD%A6&id=1

Spring Festival Pieces "Kung Fu"

Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili,王晓虎

Zhao Benshan: I have heard him, improperly cooks,忽悠hotline to prevent, and threatened to no longer dare to deception. Cruel reality has been almost a line of defense in my mind, this year I want to sell what little he promised three years on the topic I can not deliver a child with the audience.
A disciple: master into your
Zhao Benshan: Do not worry, be made by dialing a telephone harassment. (Dial in)
Bell. . . . (Phone rings)

Fan: Hello
Zhao Benshan: Hello
Wei Fan: This is the eye by an anti-忽悠your advice. . .

Spring Festival Pieces "Kung Fu"

Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili,王晓虎

Zhao Benshan: I have heard him, improperly cooks,忽悠hotline to prevent, and threatened to no longer dare to deception. Cruel reality has been almost a line of defense in my mind, this year I want to sell what little he promised three years on the topic I can not deliver a child with the audience.
A disciple: master into your
Zhao Benshan: Do not worry, be made by dialing a telephone harassment. (Dial in)
Bell. . . . (Phone rings)

Fan: Hello
Zhao Benshan: Hello
Wei Fan: This is an eye by your anti-忽悠Hotline, I experienced the old上当者Fan, taken by virtue of many years experience, whether you make a clear忽悠judge, it was卖拐please press 1, press 2 car, It was a child is entitled Fast Thinking by 3, it was sold directly to a stretcher 110
Zhao Benshan: Hello
Fan: Hello
Zhao Benshan: Can you master your Fan
Wei Fan: ah, who you are?
Zhao Benshan: ~ I have a question you would like to direct the old look
Wei Fan: ah, you say
Zhao Benshan: We head home mother猪啊
Wei Fan: ah
Zhao Benshan: niger abuse of white flowers,
Wei Fan: ah
Zhao Benshan: the morning up to 80 frames per second speed step forward疯跑,咣frying pan into the trees, dead
Wei Fan: killed, ah, the pig's vision is not what is the problem with, ah,
Zhao Benshan: both eyes were 1.5
Wei Fan: What will the mental illness ah,
Zhao Benshan: can mental health of this
Wei Fan: how to kill the Na
Zhao Benshan:那头pig will not turn their brains Bai
Wei Fan: Oh

Wei Fan: I am the person that you do not pay attention to children, you are not in accordance with the licensing routines ah, entitled Fast Thinking that you have to press 3 Na, and that since the way, I also question consulting
Zhao Benshan: You said
Fan Wei: Chinese New Year, and
Zhao Benshan: TU
Wei Fan: What New Year, our family did not buy a pig on the left and a donkey, you say that I am a first先杀donkey or pig Na Na
Zhao Benshan:先杀you. . . Give you both an opportunity
A disciple: delicious donkey, donkey先杀
Zhao Benshan:先杀donkey
Wei Fan: Congratulations, you are correct, the pig-is also thought to
Zhao Benshan: something together. Hello --
Wei Fan: small for gestational age
Zhao Benshan: Hey, wow, sad, I really feel sad for you, we should see the political arena独闯, and how can I be assured that the ground,
Apprentice B: master, first pig Well,
Zhao Benshan: That is so like a donkey, and I tell you that on this issue so that you先杀bad one, I did not answer that because I consider it a problem to, ah, did not see that he had from the then a tendon, and now has grown to understand two
A pupil: teacher, he is too much, you go back to God
Zhao Benshan: You can not go back,卖拐her lame忽悠,忽悠Negin his car, and within 10 minutes in, I want him to be impartial, I can not abuse children when you were a teacher.

Apprentice: The master from the door, the individual忽悠
Zhao Benshan: Well, look at my cue, into the
Apprentice who: Good
Zhao Benshan: United States of him, he has to see,瞅瞅, Oh drink, but also run, where to go

Apprentice A: I would like to ask Fan chef in it?
Wei Fan: Oh Which, may I ask your advice. . . Oh - Oh,呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀, what shape it is, ah, very chic, ah, ah is 6 +7 - This was a big scold Fengyun wander how fell忽悠This step-by-step drawing fields? Fan: Ah heaven, the earth Ah, this is my eldest sister who angel of this tone ah, pig into a tree, you hit a pig, a rear-end is not, then suck it to three of the
Zhao Benshan: a three-year gap, I want you dead
Wei Fan:忽悠
Zhao Benshan: I am coming to you, repent
Wei Fan: Next忽悠
Zhao Benshan: my disciples to testify
Wei Fan: I come忽悠groups

Wei Fan: not to make a big忽悠, as long as we remain vigilant of these good people, and what you will not be a number of children entitled Fast Thinking it? The ground floor of a monkey, a tree seven (riding) a monkey, two monkeys not only is the monkey 8
Zhao Benshan: three monkeys may also may also be nine monkeys
Wei Fan: how has it changed
Zhao Benshan: a monkey pregnancy
Wei Fan: interesting to you?
Zhao Benshan: boring, I am not entitled Fast Thinking that you get the initial stage, and I come to you an apology
Wei Fan: Oh
Zhao Benshan: for three years, the most in this world, people I am sorry chef Fan
A disciple: Yes
Zhao Benshan: how good
Apprentice B: yes ah
Zhao Benshan: I often tell you that you said that I was cheated by his干啥
Disciples were: it should not be
Zhao Benshan: how do you say that I am honest, you hit me twice
Wei Fan: I
Zhao Benshan: hey you下不去hand
Zhao Benshan: You called me a few words
Wei Fan: You
Zhao Benshan:张不开your mouth, so, anyway, you have to forgive me, and do not have to forgive me and forgive me forgive me if I do not have blow against our faces with good faith
Wei Fan: Oh, you呀呀呀呀呀呀, but also, he could feel, you see, Oh it's忽悠,忽悠then
Zhao Benshan: Participation from me
Wei Fan: Yo, Yo, can you stand up, Yo, Yo Yo哎呦, it lacks disease,呀呀Oh, walk, walk two steps, taking two steps forward and take the two-step, hey-hey, ah me, fraud, fraud is not, is not fraud, and everyone is looking at it, what an accident does not matter with me ah, you are always distracted the entire board of this mysterious干啥, you stand up quickly, what did you say good quickly
Zhao Benshan: So you want to do
Wei Fan: I want to listen to
Zhao Benshan: After listening to in your letter you
Wei Fan: I, you stand up as long as the letter I
Zhao Benshan: You remove it, I was able to stand up
Wei Fan: that the Arab-Israeli,
Zhao Benshan: a long story, ah, remember that it was in 2003 the first snow of 2002 a number of later,
Wei Fan: Are you the lyrics the whole child干啥ah, what is directly said so fast
Zhao Benshan: I do not play with you in a virtual, today, I apologize to you, come, to load, you look familiar?
Wei Fan: This is your忽悠that I, that a few hundred dollars
Zhao Benshan: did not move a single cent
Wei Fan: This is a piece of sheet
Zhao Benshan: I have not worn on the child through the words
Wei Fan: Big Brother
Zhao Benshan: two of us should understand the grievances of the bar, and it held up over the past few years the feelings between the two of us, that is, the culprit wheelchair, today, I have in front of your face to break his
A pupil: teacher can not hit ah,
Apprentice B: master, this wheelchair is returned to your child哥俩old witness to the good, ah,
Zhao Benshan: Do not talk nonsense, and I, you, you can not pull me
A pupil: teacher can not hit you
Apprentice B: Master, My God
Disciples were: Master
Wei Fan: Big Brother, Big Brother, you have to hit to hit me, big brother
Zhao Benshan: big brother can not hit you
Wei Fan: Big Brother has the sincerity to you too, and the children are right, can not hit you, it is not only a witness, we return to the good, it is I'll be taken to avoid the alarm, I collected
Zhao Benshan: No, students do spend money to me, how can you do to Favorites
Wei Fan: how much money I gave you
Zhao Benshan: how much money to spend it,
A disciple: 2000
Wei Fan: I have a 2000
Zhao Benshan: I to 2500
Wei Fan: I 3000
Zhao Benshan: I 3500
Wei Fan: I 4000
Zhao Benshan: I 5000
Wei Fan: turnover
Zhao Benshan: chef fitted to the Fan
Wei Fan:哎哎, you call the 5000, I drop the hammer. Turnover
Zhao Benshan: No, no, you wrong, how, how the call
Apprentice B: I heard the shouting of cooks Fan
Wei Fan: What What
Apprentice A: No, master's call
Wei Fan: You see, you see
Zhao Benshan: chaos the chaos, and this child, it does not matter who's calling, you see we stroke a stroke, a bit chaotic, first call the
Wei Fan: I would first call, and
Zhao Benshan: how much you shout
Wei Fan: I 2000
Zhao Benshan: I 2500
Wei Fan: I 3000
Zhao Benshan: I 3500
Wei Fan: I 4000
Zhao Benshan: I 4500
Wei Fan: I 5000
Zhao Benshan: You look at the
Fan: hey,
Zhao Benshan: clear clear
Wei Fan: a little bit chaotic chaos
Zhao Benshan: You re-calculate
Wei Fan: No,谁也别speak for myself, I count myself, stroking my own
Zhao Benshan: you own disorder, and
Wei Fan: You, you do not speak 2000,2500,3000,3500,4000,4500,5000
Zhao Benshan: Your anti-stroke, and 2000 is that you called
Wei Fan: 2000,2500,3000
Zhao Benshan: No
Wei Fan: 2000,2500,3000,3500,4000,4500,5000
Zhao Benshan: on the sub -
Wei Fan: Oh
Apprentice A: I am wrong
Apprentice B: Yes, you call the
Wei Fan: wrong
Zhao Benshan: You look at this
Wei Fan: not big brother, big brother, I direct your call喊完4000 is not 5000, right, ah
Zhao Benshan: This child. Chaos, ah, now that it咱哥俩children,
Wei Fan: ah
Zhao Benshan: You agree to collection, it is not
Wei Fan: ah
Zhao Benshan: is it time we re-call is not
Wei Fan: ah
Zhao Benshan: 5000 listen to understand that this child who is crying in the end, the
Wei Fan: ah, good good
Zhao Benshan: that, the number of starts is
Disciples were: 2000
Wei Fan: I 2000
Zhao Benshan: turnover, this time not in turmoil,
Wei Fan: ah, you do not call up the
Zhao Benshan: Yes, I am afraid of the chaos shout
Apprentice B: This time you call the
Fan: hey, that line, do not move, this is my wheelchair, I give you the money, do not move do not move, 2000,
Zhao Benshan: tell you brother, theory should not be money,
Wei Fan: You say the
Zhao Benshan: But you have to face
Wei Fan: Do not say a
Zhao Benshan: this person is your face
Wei Fan: Do not say a
Zhao Benshan: people should not be governing, but not to the character you are not
Wei Fan: I have taken to you the
Zhao Benshan: bite, I tell you, simply, ah, just beginning, I did not want to
Wei Fan:哎哎, hey
Zhao Benshan: No
Wei Fan: change is robbed
Zhao Benshan: No, you misunderstood, I thought you want to control
Wei Fan: Do not installed, ah, from inside you, you were, and desperate measure,欲擒故纵, the master with砸车, the thinning of the sudden drop hammer of confused, I only spent a total
Zhao Benshan: will be on the terms of
Wei Fan: give you a total
Zhao Benshan: go for on the accrual
Wei Fan: send
Zhao Benshan: fail, because to know what failure? This recipe cooks do not watch the art of war, withdrawal
Disciples were: Master
Fan: hey
Zhao Benshan: hey
Disciples were: Master
Zhao Benshan:干啥play, which went to his knees, that I am here, you干啥two children,干啥ah
A disciple: Master, I am sorry to say too much, you忽悠low IQ, and failed to learn with what you intended to play
Apprentice B:干啥you go quickly, while a car can not keep up with all 2-way
Zhao Benshan: sad
Apprentice: The master in the last, by a徒儿al
Zhao Benshan: hey
Wei Fan: Oh妈呀
Zhao Benshan:呀呀Oh, Oh呀呀, the world is too crazy, and mouse gave cat when the bridesmaids, my mother
Disciples were: Master, please accept us
Fan: hey, hey, the children, then the sea knows no boundaries, repent and the shore, to learn the good, the Chinese New Year, red packets to children to you, ah, the red packets to children
Zhao Benshan: sad, really sad that this money you were able to do last month, both to you I did not pay it, sad
Wei Fan: Collect one of a
Apprentice and Gentlemen: thank master
Disciples are: master, won the
Zhao Benshan: Oh,嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿, of anti-inter -
Wei Fan: Oh, very hard to detect, but large忽悠, I am against you
Zhao Benshan: how things,
Wei Fan:忽悠to忽悠to, I do not sit in a wheelchair or you
Zhao Benshan: what you want,
Wei Fan: Your commitment to this
Zhao Benshan: What commitments
Wei Fan: Your stretcher that
Zhao Benshan: their own
Fan: hey
Zhao Benshan: You see, this is tailor-made for you, if the short can be lengthened
Wei Fan: Oh, Oh, you are gone to great pains for me, ah, thanks I技高一筹, open the red, the Chinese New Year, and give you a couplet year rolling year 『Po fate, eating a cutting』 wisdom Thank you,
Zhao Benshan: I give you your fill of横披, self-taught 『』

请帮我将赵本山小品《买车》翻译出来,请附上中文
答:赵本山: 没迷糊,站住!

帮忙把赵本山的小品《卖车》翻译成英文
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