英语趣味小故事 英语趣味小故事
诚实
A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.
“Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five.”
“I am very sorry,”said the manager,“we cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy.”
As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk, who had overheard the conversation.
“You must not be so frank and tell the truth,”said the clerk,“no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little.”
The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.
“Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died?”
“Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football.”
2. An American on a British Train
一个美国人乘英国火车
A young American entered a railway compartment on a British train, to discover that all seats were occupied, Including one on which was seated a small dog. To its owner, a middle-aged lady wearing a large hat, he said politely,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I sit down?”
She said nothing, but merely sniffed and turned over the pages of her newspaper.
Again he said,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I have this seat, please? And again she ignored him.
For a third time the young American said,“Ma'am, would you please remove your dog so that I may sit down?”
And for the third time the snooty matron totally ignored him, so he opened a window, picked up the dog, threw it out, and then sat on the empty seat.
There was a stunned silence, and then an Englishman sitting opposite said,“You know, you Yanks are the strangest people. You drive on the wrong side of the road. You eat with the fork in the wrong hand, you name the floors in the wrong numbers, and now you've just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”
3．A Bad Foot
受伤的脚
There was a bookseller who did not like to pay for anything. One day a big box of books fell on his foot.
“Go to the doctor,”said his wife，“show that foot to him.”
“No,”he said,“I'll wait until the doctor comes to our shop next time. Then I'll ask him about my foot. If I go to see him, I shall have to pay.”
The next day the doctor came to the shop to buy some books. The bookseller told the doctor about his bad foot. The doctor looked at it and promised to help.
He took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.“Buy this and put it on the foot before you go to bed every night.”he said.
“Thank you.”said the bookseller.“And now, sir, here are your books.”
“How much?”asked the doctor.
“Two pounds.”
“Good,”said the doctor.“I shall not have to pay you anything today.”
“Why?”asked the bookseller.
“I have examined your foot. I want two pounds for that. If people come to my house, I ask them to pay one pound for a small thing like that. But when I go to their houses, I usually charge two pounds. And I came here today, didn't I? Bye-bye!”
4.The Gold and the Fur Coat
金子与皮大衣
A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other.
“What's that in your bag?”asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man.
“Gold, nothing but gold,”answered the old man.
The young man could hardly believe his own ears,“What?”he said to himself in surprise.“So much gold? My God! How I wish to be able to get so much gold!”Then he began to think about how to get the gold.
The old man looked tired and sleepy and it seemed that he could hardly keep his eyes open.“Are you sleepy, sir?”asked the young man.“Then you'd better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don't worry about the bus. I'll wake you up in time.”
“All right. It's very kind of you, young man.”The old man lay down and before long he fell asleep.
The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was about to run away, he found a corner of his fur coat was under the old man's body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he couldn't. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.
The young man ran out of the station as quickly as his legs could carry him. When he reached a place where he thought the old man couldn't find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag.
To his surprise, there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once. But when he got there, he found the old man was gone.
5． Shave Me First
先给我刮脸
A barber was in his shop, busily cutting a man's hair, when a handsome young stranger came in. He had a small boy with him. They sat down together and waited until the barber had finished. Then the young man told the barber to shave him and to cut the small boy's hair.
The barber said,“Do you want me to cut the boy's hair first, or to shave you?”
“Oh, shave me.”said the young man.“Then I'll go down the road and have a glass of wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”
The young man sat down in the barber's chair, and the barber began to shave him.
When he had finished, the young man got up and said,“I'll go down the road now and have my wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”
“All right, but I won't take long.”the barber warned him. The young man went out, the small boy obediently sat down in the barber's chair，and the barber began to cut his hair.
As he had said, he soon finished, and then the boy sat down and waited. At the end of half an hour, when the young man had still not come back, the barber said to the boy,“It is a pity that your daddy's taking such a long time. Where is he likely to be now?”
“I can't guess,”answered the small boy.“And that man wasn't my daddy. I've never seen him before in my life. I was playing in the street this morning, and he came up to me and asked me whether I'd like to have my hair cut without having to pay anything. I said I would, because my hair was rather long, so he brought me here.”
6.The Man and His Monkey
耍猴的人
A small crowd had gathered round the entrance to the park. His curiosity aroused, Robert crossed the road to see what was happening. He found that the centre of attraction was an old man with a performing monkey. The monkey's tricks ,he soon discovered, were in no way remarkable. So after throwing a few pennies in the dirty hat which the man had placed on the pavement, Robert began to move off, along with other members of the crowd.
At this point the man suddenly let out a loud cry. Everyone turned to see what had happened. The man was bending over his monkey, which now lay quite still
A Bet
Two pals are sitting in a pub watching the eleven-'clock news.A reporter comes on about a man threatening to jump from the 20th floor of a downtown building.One friend turns to the other and says,'I'll bet you ten bucks the guy doesn't jump.'
'It's a bet,' agrees his buddy.
A few minutes later, the man on the ledge jumps,so the loser hands his pal a $10 bill.'I can't take your money,'his friend admits.'I saw him jump earlier on the six-o'clock news.'
'Me,too,'says the other buddy.'But I didn't think he'd do it again.
打赌
两个好朋友正坐在一家小酒馆内观看十一点的电视新闻。一则新闻报道说，有个男人威胁要从商业区一座大楼的二十层跳下去。一位朋友转身对另一位说道：“我敢赌十块钱，那家伙不会往下跳。”
“赌就赌，”他的朋友欣然同意。
几分钟后，站在墙檐上的男人跳了下去，因而赌输的那位交给他的朋友一张十元的钞票。“我不能拿你的钱，”他的朋友承认道，“早在六点的新闻里，我就已见他跳下去了。”
“我也是，”另一位说，“可我想他不会再跳了！”
The Cricket!
A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket."
His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!"
"No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket."
"That's crazy," said the friend.
The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed.
"That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!"
"No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for."
"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise."
"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.
"See what I mean?" asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you."
Author Unknown
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老师哭了
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”
“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
很老套,但是混过老师还行,谢谢加分!
A man wants to open an account(开账户) with a Swedish
bank. The assistant(店员) asks:how much do you plan to deposit(存)?The man looks around and makes sure that no one is near him,and then he says in a low voice: 5,000,000 dollars. The assistant replies:You Could speak louder,sir. It is not a mistake to be poor in Sweden.
一个人想要到一家瑞典银行开账户。店员问：“你想存多少钱？”那个人看了看周围，确定没人离他很近，然后他用很低很小的声音说：“500万美元。”店员回答：“你可以大点声说，先生。在瑞典贫穷不是过错。”
简短的英语小故事~
1. The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美儿子
A:我有一个很完美的儿子.
B:他抽烟吗?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒吗?
A:不喝.
B:他会不会很晚回家?
A:不会.
B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了?
A:下个星期三就满6个月了.
2. I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
3. Sorry
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
4. Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
5. Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。
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